The Stupid Big Fucking Issue

Who buys ‘The Big Issue’?

Nobody, thats who. If you did buy ‘The Big Issue’ you are really just buying it to help out the peasant on the street corner.  Which is VERY NOBLE  of you.  But you are hardly buying it for the content, are you?

So why are these people selling The Big Issue?  These street sellers need to diversify if they want to survive in the magazine business.

I’m pretty sure if you were walking down Grafton St and a homeless guy offered you ‘Empire’ magazine you would buy it.

Of course you would.

You’d be racing down the street, because your a busy business kid with places to be and people to charm, nobody is stopping on your way to the top.  You turn a corner and BOOM homeless dude in your face with a magazine.  Your getting ready to tell him your in a rush or out of change when you see it’s ‘Empire’ Magazine.

It’s glossy front cover catches your eye.  Your mind starts racing  ‘Henry Cavill is Superman? W..T..F..?’

Before you know it, your thinking  ‘Hmmm this is handy, no more long, boring cues in Londis for me.  Empire magazine is far more relatable

than The Big Issue. This homeless guy is a genius’.

It slowly dawns on you  ‘…crapI’ve been looking dead on at this homeless person for a good 45 seconds, i should probably buy this magazine or he’ll start naming his rates for blow jobs.’

So you buy the magazine and go off reading it, feeling smug about how you graciously helped a homeless person climb his way out of poverty.  Then you go give blood, give up your seat to a pregnant immigrant on the bus, open doors and say ‘Hello’ to strangers on the street.  You single handedly have just made the world a better place for everyone. You’re a hero.

All because you didn’t get offered The Stupid Big Fucking Issue.

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About davetheminogue

I'm one of those cynics you're always reading about.
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