We’re probably no different to any other party really, the only difference is everyone is going to have great hair.
My own research on google has found people with shit hair tend to fail commercially so I’ve decided to apply my theory as my programme for government.
“Better Hair, Better Government”
The ‘No broken windows’ approach to governance.
Beyond having better hair than all the opposition put together, we do have a few other policies that are bound to appease the stupid.
For instance, instead of hidden taxes and tax hikes that hinder life for the poor; we’re just going to make it illegal to be poor. Which isn’t really too far from how things are at the moment. But we’ll give everyone a stylised hair cut coming out of jail, which will of course make them better citizens.
In fact we’re really just going to re-established the long lost tradition of poor houses. BUT we’ll merge poor houses with all FÁS courses & VEC beauty and child minding courses.
On immigration & emigration we’ll take a tough stance.
Because we have so many people getting the fuck out of here and we still have a lot of people from Poland and Prussia still living here, we’re just going to make them to swap names with each other. Thereby lowering our emigration, reducing the number of Polish 😉 and continuing the age old tradition of dole fraud amongst both the disporia and the our foreign brethren.
As regards the bond market, we’re already pretty much on top of that. We’re just going to rename the country. This way when they ring looking for their money it won’t have anything to do with us. We’re still researching names, we’re thinking iLand in an increased effort to identify as a smart economy.
Job creation is the new hot topic and of course we have a fucking genius solution for that too. We’re going to create more jobs.
Also we’re going to make it illegal to have children for the next five years. People can still adopt or foster, just not allowed to procreate. This will save money for years. Approximately five. I know you’re thinking child minders will be out of work but we’ll have put them in poor houses so fuck them.
As for taking €4 billion out of the economy next year, renaming the country should save us from having to deal with the mess those pig fuckers made.
Speaking of pig fuckers. As for minsters salaries and pensions we’ve decided that because we’ll be doing such an amazing job we’ll deserve to be paid more than the current drove that graze the Dáil. Also, thats kinda like a legal thing, set by the last government, so like we couldnt change it even if we did really want too…
Oh and also we invented a new type of political system that is far more democratic and similar to the existing one- utterly useless. It’s an opt in type of democracy. You pick your party and whatever bull shit their selling is the one you are forced to abide by. For instance if Fianna Fail’s policies are bend over and love it- thats what you gotta to do till you’re 18 month subscription runs out. It’s pretty much based on phone contracts.
So for vote for ‘The Party of Self Respect’
‘Better Hair, Better Government.’
Or you could vote for…..