>How To Survive the Big Freeze 2010

>Here’s some basic combat techniques on how to survive the current spell of freezing cold weather;

1: DONT drink any WATER based liquids; as the freezing point of water is -1 degrees Celsius it would be quite retarded to drink anything with water in it. Drinking liquids with water in it will cause internal freezing and you would die of internal icing of the lungs.

2: Act like the weather isn’t there. Weather is like a teenage girl who fancies you. The more you seem into her; the colder she’s gonna be to you. So just leave that bitch to herself and get on with shit. This also applies for dealing with teenage girls.

3: Build a famine wall. I’m not sure how this helps but it ended the famine and supposedly it snowed for 8 years solid during the famine and the only way they could kill it was by building meaningless walls.

4: Dress like your in the Bahama’s. Weather is all about style, if the weather thinks the fashion trends have changed it will automatically adjust itself accordingly.

5: Shout at snow flakes to go away.

6: Eat more exotic fruit. Again, just to fuck with weathers head.

7: Never look the cold in the eye. It sees it as a challenge.

8: Watch ‘Bored to Death’ nothing to do with weather, its just a good show. Ted Dansons in it.

9: Spin your left foot clockwise and right foot counter clockwise while drawing a pair of circles spinning inwards with your hands.

10: Shower with friends, it’s important to remains social in these restrictive times.

11: Punch a homeless person.

12: Build an army of snow dicks and point them north. If we all do this, Weather will slowly realise we cant be defeated and we wont be defeated and we will be not defeated by weather being a big stupid dick head.

There ya have, some super secret tip top super secret tips on how to survive some weather. Personally, i really like the weather. It’s brought people together, strangers are friendlier, birds are less frigid, people slip more, and it looks fucking awesome everywhere.

Plus there’s no school for another week, high five.


About davetheminogue

I'm one of those cynics you're always reading about.
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