For Sale;

1 Kate Minogue.

Aged for 15 years in an oak barrel (i think).

Barely used; an old man rode her to the shop once a week for bread and milk.

Kate has a strong cynical attitude towards life but is surprisingly chirpy in delivery of her cynicisms.

She weighs in at about 18 stone but hides it very well.

She’s about 5ft 2″ high but can jump a good 3ft from the ground. This is only admirable when you take into consideration her enormous weight to height ratio. She kinda broke the BMI……..awkward.

She has hairy knees and is riddled with teenage acne…but she’s very into sharia law at the moment so will probably wear a burka around town and stuff*

Addicted to crack.

Interests include; Kanye West, reading picture books, fantasy hurling league, looking at mountains from afar, chain smoking, soup and of course eating soup.

Kate is the youngest of all my sisters and i’m very eager to sell her. I’ve enjoyed my years as kate’s brother but i feel it’s time for me to move on. I’m thinking of getting a puppy.

I’m really trying to get a quick turn over on this sale so i’ll pretty much take any offers. But i do insist on cash up front and you incur the cost of delivery.

To sweeten the deal i’ll throw in my psp.

PS- I would gladly swap Kate, the psp, some posters, old jeans and a foam sword for 8 mannequins**

* Some people (kate) didnt/dont know what either Sharia law or a burka was. I think this link describes both.
**That’s an in joke for people who are aware that i desperately need 8 mannequins


About davetheminogue

I'm one of those cynics you're always reading about.
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