>How Eddie Saved Africa

A Homage to the big beautiful beast that is Big Eddie B. The ‘B’ stands for Beautiful. It also stands for brave, boring, brilliant, banana, basketball, bowl, bucket, buckaki, ball, boobs, bark, bridge, bee, boat, battered sausage, and of course Buckaki, again.

Eddie’s first and last love has always been Buckaki parties.

His second love is Africa.

Before he went to save all the dying little kids from the concern ad’s, Eddie turned up in the middle of the night at my bedroom window.

He wont appreciate me telling this story, but eddie was crying.
Bawling. (Another B word.) I only mentioned he was bawling because i wanted to highlight two things;

1: Eddie is a pussy.
2: His love for orphans.
3: Eddie is a pussy.

So there he was, bawling on my front garden in the middle of the night, soaked in his own tears.

“I cant do it dave” he sobbed. “I cant save Africa”.

I slapped him.

“Damn it man. Calm down. Nobody asked you to save Africa.”

“But Bob Geldoff-“

I slapped him again.

“Bob Geldoff? Who the fuck is Bob Geldoff?… Seriously, who is he?”

Then Eddie sang a bit of ‘I dont like Mondays’.

“Boomtown Rats?” I asked. ” What have they got to do with anything?”

Then Eddie explained everything to me. The Boomtown Rats, Live Aid, Bono, Princess Diana’s death, Live Aid two, the ending to ‘The Soprano’s’ and i finally found out who Bob Geldoff is.

Everything was so clear to me. Eddie really was a pussy.

I put my hand on his cheek.

I gave him a kiss. After the fucking, we had some tea. Me and Eddie talked loads and loads, I explained to him over and over again that i simply didnt give a fuck about all those dying lil kids in Africa. I told him that i actually found them cute and refreshing.

Then Eddie said something to me which changed my life forever. For ever.

Anyway i forget what he said and the next day my life went back to normal. I’m still living in this shallow pitiful life and i think Eddie actually went to Africa and saved it.

Africa is safe now, thanks to Edward Dave Minogue Brennan*

* I dont know Eddie’s middle names but i presume they’re my name


About davetheminogue

I'm one of those cynics you're always reading about.
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2 Responses to >How Eddie Saved Africa

  1. John says:

    >Beautiful… what a man.

  2. Scteve says:

    >did he bring his bike to Africa? i love that bike

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