>13 Things I’d Change About the World… (earth)

>If i was made over all King (or Queen) of the Universe for a day, here’s a list of things i’d change about earth.

(I dont know enough about the rest the universe to hypothetically make reckless general changes to the universe.)

1: I’d turn all terrain into astro turf. I think it would add a certain genesique to the planet and add a spring to everyone’s step.

2: I’d educate everyone, then ask them do they seriously think ‘Little Britain’ is funny? Fuck it, i’d just make everyone who thinks its funny punch each other in the face till they die…or admit it’s not funny.

3: I’d make sure everyone’s day followed the same plot line as ‘ferris bueller’s day off’ and everynight followed the plot line of ‘Collateral’. Just cos

4: I’d add a hint of the scent of almond oil to the air.

5: I’d turn chuggers into huggers and make concern eat my dick.

6: I’d rename Funerals -Discos. The funeral act itself wouldn’t change at all. I just think it would be funny to hold a disco for someone when they died.

7: I’d enforce an annual pilgrimage to knock where everyone would dance to ‘Sexy Boy

8: Instead of gps; i’d make crows more readily available to show you around. If the crows did not agree to this, we would unfortunately have to use our gps’s- However; instead of been told how to get somewhere a rainbow would protrude and lead you to where ever you wished to be.

9: I’d make rain an aphrodisiac. The most potent aphrodisiac ever. Ireland would then become the orgy capitol of the world*.

10: I’d make giving birth more akin to how butterfly’s are born(?). A cocoon basically. Babies would be attached to a tree and gestate in a cocoon for nine months.

11: I’d make clouds way more psychedelic.

12: I’d make sneezes wishes. That way people with allergies would be lucky.

13: I would change the earths gravity to that of the moon, so we could fly like bird men. Or, should that have an adverse effect on the stratosphere, i would build humans out of a bunch of elements lighter than air.

There’s not a lot of elements lighter than air that i could build a central nervous system from so 13 might take more than a day.

13b: Should 13a be impossible, i’d end capitalism with a song. This song.

Id replace capitalism with a really cool version of socialism, probably based on one of the models that already exists but without any of the hippy bullshit.

*It’s currently the 82nd most orgyest place on earth

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About davetheminogue

I'm one of those cynics you're always reading about.
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One Response to >13 Things I’d Change About the World… (earth)

  1. John Morton says:

    >Amazing. I want all of those things to happen. Especially the almond air.

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