>A Conversation with Ryan Turbidy

>A real conversation i had with Ryan Turbidy;

Me:
So Brian, congratulations on becoming the new pat kenny, who was the new gay byrne.

Ryan:
Thanks Dave.

Me:
Would you care to elaborate on that?

Ryan:
On what?

Me:
On that statement i just made.

Ryan:
(pause)…Well it’s a tremendous honour to be the new anybody, i’m just really glad it’s two men i’ve looked up to and inspired to be since i was little girl.

Me:
Interesting that you should mention the sex change so early in the conversation.

Ryan:
Isnt it just.

Me:
Yes. So tell me, your brother recently got elected in the Dáil by elections. Do you think he’ll bring as much flare and originality to the Dáil as you have to RTE?

Ryan:
(smug laugh)..(Serious face) yes.

Me;
Great. Fantastic. So ryan, on a serious note, how did an ugly fuckin smug dick like yourself get such a hot girlfriend? Is she retarded Ryan?

Ryan:
Funny story actually-

Me:
I doubt that ryan, all your stories are shit. How about you just tell me the fucking answer?

Ryan:
She’s a prostitute.

Me:
No freakin way! The former rose of tralee is a prostitute? No fuckin way. 

Ryan:
All the roses are a bunch of sluts dave. Believe you me. Sluts.
Me:
Interesting. Does anal cost extra?
Ryan:
Does it fuck? Why do you think i was so reluctant to give away 10% of my salary? Getting her to fuck me up the ass costs like€300 a go. And thats when its clean (as clean as anal can get) but im a dirty little ugly smug faced female to male transexual, so i like her to fuck me after a good curry. I eat curry for breakfast.

Me:
Well it is the most important meal of the day ryan. 

Ryan:
Isnt it just.
Me:
Do you play chess a lot?

Ryan:
Yes. How did you know?

Me:
A little birdy told me.

Ryan:
Charlie bird?

Me:
…No…fuck you. Would you like to play a game of chess wth me, Ryan?

Ryan:
Yes.

Me:
I’m black

Ryan:
Ok whites go first.

Me:
I know how to play chess ryan. God your so smug.

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About davetheminogue

I'm one of those cynics you're always reading about.
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