>In the next few days, the vast majority of the human population of Earth will probably (definitely) be infected by the flesh eating virus ‘Swine Flu’.
So i’ve been working with some well respected scientists in figuring out ways of avoiding the flu.
It’s imperative that everyone does everything i say or else they will 100% definitely die.
1: Eat more vegatables. After some extensive research we discovered that vegetables are so fucking good for you. This was previously unknown by pretty much everyone till we discovered it in our labs.
2: Rub a baby off your face. Babies contain natural immunities so when you rub them on your face; your face absorbs the baby antibodies and you dont die. Its also great for wrinkles.
3: Eat more Special K.
5: Dont have sex with people who look or smell like a pig (some people will try to disguise the fact that they look like pigs so be wary).
6: Dont touch an old person. Ever.
7: Go to bed early. If your alseep the virus thinks you’re already dead and will look elsewhere for another host.
8: Walking in a zig zagged pattern confuses the virus, giving you that extra advantage in out running it.
10: Watch ‘Superbad’ it wont help you not get sick but its very very funny and well directed.
11: Spin left. Daily.
12: Drink less fluids.
13: Spray lemon juice on your crotch. Lemons have an almost magical quality in relation to crotch based bacteria.